Oh, How The Mighty Have Fallen!
Well, maybe ‘mighty’ is a bit much. But I did see Patrick Renna of The Sandlot* and Disney’s The Big Green fame out at the festival on Vermont Avenue today. Unfortunately for all involved, he wasn’t playing the irascible scamp as usual, but rather aggressively encouraging passers-by to take a Scientologist administered stress test. This, of course, involved a machine with a dial, to add the requisite scientificalish sheen to the sad affair. Sowjanya’s friend Casey was the only with the balls, or ovaries as it were, to submit herself to the cult member’s questionings. It was too loud to eavesdrop (not that I didn’t try), and also Dan and I were too busy giggling like naughty Japanese schoolgirls that the kid from The Sandlot was out here pressing flesh for the Cruise Cult. But I did notice they made her wrap her hands around two pieces of metal tubing connected to the machine while she talked. I kept thinking they were trying to make some sort of 2005 version of those tree-house phones kids used to make with two cans and a piece of string. Casey didn’t divulge much, but she did say they asked at one point "What’s the one thing that’s ruining your life right now?" Huh?
Kind of sad, really. This has got to be the Seventh Circle of pseudo-celebrity Hell. Hey, at least he’s not on Hollywood Squares. I keep wanting to believe it’s some sort of Hollywood version of a Masonic conspiracy, where those who don’t push Dianetics are blacklisted and locked out of jobs. But the more depressing reality is that this is probably the best thing going for Patrick Renna right now, and he’s doing it entirely of his own accord. Which of course is a horrible mistake. 
After all, the only thing Scientology is getting Tom Cruise right now is uniformly negative press coverage. Between feuds with Brooke Shields, truly bizarre Oprah and Access Hollywood appearances, and reports of him playing Katie Holme’s manager, L. Ron Hubbard is not being a very good puppeteer at all. **
* "You’re killing me, Smalls!"
**Sarah Vowell was wise to his ways long ago.
